At last, after a gillion years of study, Moonglow obtained her coveted ‘PH.d in the study of the endangered tar sands mouse’.
Her parents were in the audience when her Dean bestowed the award upon her and spoke the following well chosen words:
Moonglow, we in the faculty are so proud of you today, indeed, the fact that you chose such an important subject for your studies is only magnified by a report today that the last of the tar sands mice was killed by one of those dreaded monster dump trucks. How could you have known when you began your studies, some gillion years back, that it would end this way; but you knew that this mouse was in danger and today’s news simply confirms it. Let us all present give Moonglow a big hand for her prescience.
Moonglow’s mum and dad clapped loudest. At this point, let the record show, that her father was not too pleased when their daughter ‘Bess’ decided several years back to take on the appellation ‘Moonglow’ “since it suited her better”. But that slight difference of opinion aside, he too was most pleased with her daughter’s triumph since she was the first ever in his extended family to attain such a high degree of learning.
After the glow (pun intended) had worn off, Moonglow’s first order of business was to seek gainful employment. Although she had relied heavily upon scholarships and the like, she had still built up much debt over the course of the last gillion years – so she had to obtain the wherewithal to start paying it down. Her promised position with the University expired with the death of the last tar sands mouse so she would have to get employment on ‘civy’ street.
The Monday after graduation saw Moonglow attend at a local Canada Employment Centre. The conversation went something like this:
Hi may I help you, I am agent 509 and am here to assist you.
That’s great agent 509, my name is Moonglow and I need your assistance. Both Smile.
I need to find work.
You have some to the right place. What do you do, exactly?
I study tar sands mice.
Can you do it from afar or do you have to be physically situated at the tar sands?
At the tar sands, but that is now academic since the last tar sands mouse died a week ago.
How tragic but I must tell you, the Government has implemented some changes recently to Employment Entitlements – it boils down to your having to accept work that is not necessarily in your field. So let me think.
Ah, I do have something here – it was ORKIN, they are looking for an exterminator and the job is a local one – you won’t have to move !
An Exterminator??
Why you are a natural with your background – surely you of any of us will know the best way to knock off those pesky mice.
Moonglow then faints and in so doing hits her head on the edge of her chair while falling down.
It is off to her doctor – Sunbeam who declares her ‘permanently disabled’.
Moonglow is delighted; not only will she not have to seek work outside of her chosen study, but should she ever become unemployed, her disability cheque will far and exceed unemployment benefits.
A happy ending for all – save for you the taxpayer.
