And by Snail Mail no less!!
“Mr. Smith, I have today’s mail for you”
“Thank you Diane” “Only 4” ?
“That’s all today, sir”.
“Well let’s see what we have here – oh first a letter from the local Town Council”:
Attention: Donald Smith, President of ACME Manufacturing – Dear Don:
Our Council would like to honour you and your company to celebrate your company’s presence in our community for the past 100 years. We are most indebted to you, and to your late father and grandfather for the vision in choosing to come to our town.
As you know, ACME is our largest employer and over the past century has enabled millions upon millions of dollars to be spent in our fair community. Moreover, for each of your 100 employees, another 2 to 3 jobs have been created in spin-off.
Given this we would like to host a dinner in your honour at a time suitable to yourself. Please therefore let us know if you are agreeable to our suggestion, and if so, what date would be most suitable, to you, to hold the dinner.
Sincerely,
The Mayor
p.s. As we do not have a budget for such dinners we are counting on you and your employees to purchase the tickets in advance and to arrange for their sale to the broader community.
“Well I was truly honoured until I read their p.s.”
“What’s next”?
“A letter from the Province of Ontario”
Dear Mr. Smith,
We regret to advise you that our recent budget provides a surcharge on your income tax since our records show, in the past year, you earned an income in the top 1% of Ontario Taxpayers.
We know that this is not particularly good news for you but trust you will realize what a patriotic thing you are doing on all our citizens’ behalf'.
Sincerely
Treasurer of Ontario
“You xxxxx, you’ve got a lot of nerve”.
“Oh I see my accountant has written – maybe I should have started with his letter first”
Hi Don,
Not much good news to report, indeed most of it is quite bleak.
ACME’s costs continue to climb especially due to the 300% hike in the hydro rates. Since ACME is selling internationally, you are competing with numerous others who are not burdened by such radical increases and thus your ability to pass these increases along to your customers is greatly impaired.
On the good news side, since costs are up, income will be down and I suspect, the new provincial surcharge on high income earners will not apply to you in the current year.
Should you wish to discuss this further, I am at your disposal.
Sincerely,
Your hard working accountant
“He is becoming far too jolly for my liking”
“So what’s next”?
“A foreign stamp”?
Dear Mr. Smith,
A letter from your neighbour to the south.
Did you know we are only 60 miles apart as the crow flies?
We understand that costs are ever climbing for you especially as they relate to taxes and energy and we’d like to offer you a solution.
First, in regard to your increasing hydro costs. Did you know that we obtain our hydro from another one of your neighbours – Quebec, for less than 6 cents per kwh? That is a third to a quarter of what you are now paying commercially and, as you know, the differential will only worsen over time.
Plus our taxes are the lowest among industrial countries. We can guarantee you that your taxes here will decline by at least 50% and that is before taking into account the new Ontario surtax on high income earners.
Finally, just to sweeten things even more for you; our municipality is prepared to build you a factory – all equipment in, and rent it to you at cost – with the first 10 years being entirely rent free.
Hopefully Mr. Smith you have not fallen off your chair.
I will telephone you within the next two days with a view to arranging a face to face meeting so we can explore this exciting possibility together.
Kindest regards,
Your Friendly Southern Neighbour
“Why didn’t I read this letter first”?
“Diane, get me my wife on the phone and then my accountant”.
Change is afoot in Ontario.
As I see it…
‘K.D. Galagher’
