With all the year end prognostications I got to thinking - what would happen if a woman news anchor (Sandy), with no background in business - attempted to interview a seasoned financial guru (Mr. Dow Jones)?
Maybe it would go something like this:
I am pleased this evening to have as our guest Mr. Dow Jones who will share with us all his views on the economy for the coming year.
Mr. Jones thank you so much for joining us.
You are most welcome.
Let me begin by asking you generally what you see in store for us in 2011?
Well as a renowned Bear you can just imagine what I have to say so you won't be surprised if I tell you that I believe that currently we have an Ovobody Market.
Please proceed.
I am also a well known Contrarian so don't expect my comments to follow the crowd.
Be assured Mr. Jones that I do not harbour any such expectations. Now what precisely can our audience expect for next year in the markets?
We are going to see much of what has taken place in 2010 that is to say: flashing, one night stands, swaps and stripping.
Well Mr. Jones we are in polite society so I would ask you to please keep your comments civil.
Eh? There are certain things that as a Contrarian I am specifically looking for and that is such things as a Hot Waitress or Fools in the Shower.
I strongly suggest Mr. Jones that you keep your private life out of today's conversation. Now let's get back to our topic - what in particular will need to happen to see the markets advance in 2011?
Treponomics.
Treponomics?
Correct.
Will that tell us we are on the right path.
Yes and No.
Yes and No?
Correct.
Would you please expand on that.
Gladly. Yes Treponomics is the answer but it is a very slow process so it could take a number of years before we can gauge its success.
So we won't know for sure if it is working in 2011
Precisely not. But it must get started in 2011 to be effective so we will begin eventually to see improved EBITDA.
EBITDA?
Exactly.
Okay let me come at it from a different angle. Is there anything that could happen in 2011 that would tell you that things are likely to improve?
Of course there is - one could look for a Jennifer Lopez.
A Jennifer Lopez? What pray tell is that.
A nice Round Bottom of course.
Mr. Jones I will not warn you again.
Sandy I am beginning to see that you have not done sufficient Concepting.
There is no need to insult me Dow, I am doing my best, so let's just try to get through this - we have but a couple of minutes left. We hear alot about Index Trading do you have any favourites?
Two of my favourites are Paris Hilton and Lipstick.
Why am I not surprised. Any favourite Bonds?
I guess I would have to say the Chasity Bond.
Well given your other comments that does come as a surprise to me. Is there anything the ordinary investor can do to grown his or her Portfolio?
I would suggest a combination of Arbitrage and Forex. The financial world is getting smaller, so I would recommend to your viewing audience that these types of investments would be to their overall benefit.
Arbitrage and Forex?
Yes.
Are they listed on the Stock Markets.
Quite the sense of humour you have Sandy. In all seriousness though - for 2011 many businesses will have to adopt detailed Scalping Strategies.
Scalping Strategies? Like the Indians?
You are indeed refreshing Sandy but I do hope there are not too many Aboriginal Investors out there in your television audience.
Oh my. Let's conclude our interview with one final question Dow. Um, if there is one piece of advice you can leave our audience with - what would that be?
Buy low - Sell high.
Well that is certainly something we can all understand. Thank you so much. And perhaps Dow you could leave me your cell phone number in case I have any follow-up questions.
As I see it...
'Galagher'
